Life Lessons from Beyonce
"You turned out to be the best thing I never had and I’m gon’ always be the best thing you never had...”
As the Queen stated in one of her anthems, “Thank God you blew it/ I thank God I dodged a bullet/ I’m so over you/So baby good lookin’ out...You turned out to be the best thing I never had/ And I’m gon’ always be the best thing you never had...”
Ah, one of the many reasons I love Beyonce. Here, she reminds us that when a relationship ends, it is ok. When a relationship ends, it was not meant to be and you have to let it go. It ends up being the best thing for you because ending a bad cycle is so much better than staying in something unhealthy, just because it is comfortable.
Often, we find ourselves making excuses for a partner’s behavior. I’ve done this myself many times. The times I was with my partner and he did not want to come with me to an event because he did not feel like it or the times I was with my partner and he did not want to meet my family when they were in town, because again, he did not feel like it. I excused it when I shouldn’t have for too long. He showed me then that he was not supportive of my needs or giving to them while I was always willing to give of myself to him.
I excused it.
Many of us find reasons to justify away the negatives but we should not have to do this in a healthy relationship. Both partners should support and lift the other. If you do not feel this from your partner, you need to evaluate why and take actions to resolve the issues, if you can. I say “if” because it is hard but you are worth the work and deserve someone who supports you. If you aren’t receiving support from your partner, you’re going to break your own back making up for all that he (or she) lacks.
Another quote that I love is from Dr. Maya Angelou and it is, “When people show you who they are, believe them.”
These words are so true. The adage that “actions speak louder than words” is there for a reason but to add to that, if someone TELLS you who they are, believe them too.
I remember the time when I dated a man who told me, “Sarah, I’m not a good man.” Again, I justified it away, “No, that isn’t true. Be kinder to yourself. You are beyond a good man. You are a great man. You are an accomplished man.” Well, after I found out that he cheated on me with my friend, I thought back to the time when he warned me about himself. He told me exactly who he was and I did not listen. Looking back, he also showed me who he was, but again, I justified it away.
Relationships end for a reason. My past relationships ended because they were unhealthy and I deserve(d) so much more. I learned from them. I learned how I hurt myself by accepting so much less than I deserved and I learned how to accept and look for more.
Be thankful when these unhealthy relationships end. Wallow in your sadness and mourn the relationship for a while but you will grow so much from the experience, if you are open to the growth and allow yourself the opportunity to expand.
Beyonce was right (I’m not an official Beyhive member but will be quick to argue and defend her honor, when it comes to the Queen) when she sang these lyrics. It is the best thing for you to get out of something that brings you down. It is the best thing for you when an unhealthy relationship ends because you will hopefully learn from it, reflect on it and level up to a better one. The next time you find yourself in a newly ended relationship, be it intimate, platonic, familial, etc. think about why it ended and did it actually serve you to maintain? Likely, it did not. Things end for a reason and upon reflection, true reflection, you will see that it is ok and you will grow from this experience.